Your Overly-Giving Nature is Undermining Your Results

“If you sacrifice too much of yourself for other people, there won’t be anything left” 

Have you always known that your giving nature is the essence of who you are? That you being a ‘good natured’ person is what makes you, you?

To be honest, it is probably one of the most beautiful gifts and personality traits that you could have. Because, having that beautiful, giving nature is what makes people love you. It is an inner light and selfless love that you bring into other people’s lives, without asking for anything in return. You are wildly LOVED for it. 

But, what happens when this beautiful giving nature tries to lead and influence others?

It has disaster written all over it. Burn out, fatigue, feeling resentful, no time for yourself and over-worked (at nearly everything you do, whether that be; work, study, sport, business etc. you will ALWAYS do too much for everyone else). Not only are these symptoms part and parcel of dysfunctional over-giving, they lend themselves to decreased productivity and results.

You need to know the signs that you are overly-giving, and once you have the awareness of WHY you do it, you need to do something about it. Otherwise it will continue to negatively impact your life and the results that you achieve. 

So here they are; 

Sign 1 – You feel that the people around you, including those you ‘lead’, take advantage of you

The fact that you have an overly-giving nature has taught some of the people in your life that, on some level, they are able to take advantage of your generous nature. They have come to learn that they can ask a lot of you, and you won’t turn them down. Although there is a lot of kindheartedness in this, if you do not set boundaries on your time and space, these people are going to be able to continue to take advantage of your giving nature.

No matter how hard you have tried in the past, you have probably found it extremely hard to be assertive with these people.

In leading a team, this means that you will be setting up a culture where the ‘system’ is being abused; possibly you have a high rate of sick leave, people taking days off and instances where people are not being as efficient as they can be with their time. At home it affects you too, maybe you are expected to do everything around the house, plus work full time, plus take care of yourself, and then have time for family and friends.

All of this takes away precious time and energy from the things that you love to do, and you are good at.

Sign 2 - You feel guilty doing things for yourself.

When it comes to enjoying yourself outside work, you find yourself feeling incredibly guilty. Whether it is taking time out to exercise, going out to meet friends, getting your nails done or anything else which is exclusively for you, it sends you into an internal conflict, or even an outright war. And even if you do manage to get out and do something for yourself your mind works overtime telling you what a bad person you are, that you need to get back home or to work, that all these other people need you. 

What this can lead to is decreased health and vitality, a lack of joy and happiness, and running with your tank nearly on empty most of the time.

Not only do the ‘symptoms’ occur, but the most important loss is that of your dreams. You see, if you keep running the treadmill and are not able to do anything for yourself, then ultimately you are sacrificing your future and the results that you want to achieve. If you continue being over-giving, and don’t learn a way to feel comfortable giving back to yourself, and set boundaries with others to do so, you won’t ever be able to have those things you so desperately believe in. 

Sign 3 – You find it hard to say NO, no matter how time poor you are. 

One of the trademark signs of an over-giving nature is the inability to set boundaries. If this is you, then you will have an incredibly hard time saying no, regardless of how little time or space you have. Some common circumstances might be; team members taking up too much of your time, putting in excess hours and energy (outside of what is reasonable), being unable to discipline consistently (if at all) and family and friends asking you for yet another favour. 

One of the common histories of an over-giver is that they were taught at a young age that it is NOT ok to be selfish in any way, shape or form. Or some over-givers were taught that to ‘be a good person’ you must be selfless. Or that good boys and girls are to ‘be seen and not heard’, so they never learned to deal with assertiveness or conflict (people with these traits might even make an over-giver cower).

A good example of an over-givers beliefs systems in action is a woman who has been brought up in a patriarchal family where the man goes out to work and the woman stays home to take care of the family. This woman would take on the sub-conscious belief that they are to give as much as possible, with nothing in return but the love of her family. So, if this same woman was to go out into the workforce or have her own business or lead others, she would find it incredibly hard to work outside of what she has been taught to be ‘of service to others, with nothing in return’.  

“Good people are like candles, they burn themselves up to give other people light”

The thing is, if you have an over giving nature you have probably seen this pattern play out in your life repeatedly. But the thing is, you have no idea about what to do about it. You may have tried countless times to say no, finally do something for yourself, or be assertive, but every time you have tried you have failed or failed at being consistent with it.

Maybe you have come to believe that you are destined to be this way forever?

There is a way out of this over-giving loop that will give you more time, freedom and assertiveness like you have never known before. That way out is by understanding and being aware of how you can stop over-giving to others, and start giving back to yourself.

Hope this helps!

Always lead from the front, 

Gab D

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